When Friends Use and You Don’t: Coping Strategies That Work

One of the hardest things about choosing to stop or reduce substance use—especially as a teen or young adult—is that your friends might not be making the same choice.

Maybe you’re in recovery. Maybe you’ve just decided to cut back. Maybe you’ve never used at all. Whatever your situation, it can be tough to stay grounded when people around you are still drinking, vaping, or getting high. You might feel:

• Left out

• Awkward or anxious

• Worried you’ll lose your social circle

• Pressured to go along with it

Here’s the good news: you can stay true to your goals and still feel connected. It just takes some tools, practice, and support.

Why This Feels So Hard

Let’s be real—friends are everything in adolescence and early adulthood. Your social life plays a huge role in shaping your identity and sense of belonging. When your values or behaviors shift, it can feel like you’re risking rejection.

And that’s not just in your head. The adolescent brain is wired to be especially sensitive to peer approval and social status. So it makes sense that standing out—or saying no—can feel uncomfortable or even scary.

Coping Strategies for When You’re the One Not Using

Here are a few things that can actually help when you’re trying to navigate social situations where others are using substances:

1. Have a Go-To Script

You don’t owe anyone an explanation, but it helps to have something ready to say, like:

• “I’m good for now.”

• “Taking a break—it just wasn’t working for me.”

• “I’ve got stuff to do tomorrow, so I’m skipping tonight.”

Short, confident, and chill usually works best. Most people won’t push beyond that.

2. Plan Your Exit

If you’re heading into a party or hangout where people might be using, make sure you have:

• A way to leave when you want to

• A friend you can text for backup

• A rideshare app or your own transportation

Giving yourself an “out” can reduce anxiety and help you feel more in control.

3. Build Your Sober Support Crew

Even one or two friends who respect your choice (or share it!) can make all the difference. Look for people who:

• Make you laugh without needing a buzz

• Don’t make it weird when you say no

• Support your growth and goals

You don’t have to ditch old friends, but it’s okay to widen your circle.

4. Create Your Own Social Alternatives

Sometimes you have to lead the way. Host a movie night, go hiking, start a group chat about something you love—whatever makes you feel connected without substances.

Spoiler alert: A lot of other people are looking for this too. You’re not the only one who wants to feel included and healthy.

5. Remember Why You’re Choosing This

Whether your decision is about mental health, physical health, recovery, or just curiosity—your “why” matters. Write it down. Remind yourself often. Come back to it when things feel hard.

You’re not just saying no to substances—you’re saying yes to clarity, growth, and showing up as your real self.

And If You Slip?

It happens. Beating yourself up doesn’t help, but learning from the situation does. Ask:

• What triggered me?

• What could I do differently next time?

• Who can I talk to about this?

Progress isn’t always a straight line. What matters is that you keep showing up for yourself.

You’re Not Alone

Choosing a different path than your peers isn’t easy—but it’s powerful. And you don’t have to figure it out alone.